Friday, April 4, 2014

Taking over for David Letterman.

In High School I began telling people that my dream job would be taking over for David Letterman.

Yesterday the announcement came that he was officially retiring and thoughts of my old goal bubbled up.  Sometimes it's hard to know what one actually wants NOW as so often I feel we are living out a desire that we once had in the past.  We set out to do something, time passes and we eventually accomplish said goal.  We enjoy the swelling sense of accomplishment and say, "I did it!"

And then it's over and we're left again to ruminate on the human condition, whether or not it's even real, and as we think, again we ask ourselves, "What do I want to do now?"

What a luxury to spend our time so sure that our resources are locked down, that we can just spend our "time" thinking about what we want to do.  Groceries are in the fridge, water comes magically flowing out of many locations in my small apartment.  I'm comfortably sheltered.  So, NOW what do I want to do. Something fun.  I want to have fun.  Have a good time!

As I get older, the play is only truly valued if I have worked to earn it.  When I know I have something I should be working on, its harder for me to enjoy play.  This isn't just tasks, but areas of my life which I want to improve.  When I'm not addressing those things, it no longer makes sense to go out and have a blast because, I know that whatever I'm doing, I'm still not doing the thing that is nagging at me.  In addition, I enjoy working more than ever.  I am working on projects that are fulfilling and empowering...

The David Letterman gig.  Let's say I have the opportunity to take over the show...would I want to do it?  When I texted my dad he playfully suggested that I "send in my reel," though I know he is actually serious.

As I think on it NOW, I don't think that is my current desire.  Perhaps in the same neighborhood, but I've since become addicted to making visions become reality with my best friends.

I would only want to take on the role if I could make the show a collaboration with my creative genius friends.  THAT is my goal NOW: to build a creative production house along the lines of Warhol's Factory that has relationships with sustainable businesses.  Creating multimedia, TV Shows, Films and Live Events that are sponsored by the companies that are trying to do it better.  Basically, I'm trying to make an honest living.

In my mind's eye I am working with these brilliant minds around me to create elaborate dance pieces that are a spectacle of light moving through space, all at once visually stunning and deliciously overwhelming, then suddenly silly.  As people are sucked into another dimension, Pull out the plug! Reveal the vulnerable truth that we have no fucking clue what we're doing, and then zoom out!  We're on a space rock!  Still!  And that makes it funny...we've spent our time and effort and labor making this thing, this absurd, magical thing and we're fucking hurtling through space right now on a planet that by the grace of IT has not been struck by an asteroid in recent history, allowing us to exist so that we can...create this weird, silly, playful thing!  Now THAT is a fucking laugh!

I don't think this is what CBS is envisioning for the future of their Late Night programming.  And I'm sure someone else will be excited to take over a job that pays well, with huge exposure and tells nightly light-hearted socio-political jokes.

I'd rather play out here on the edge of infinity.  It's more fun.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Birthday Thanks

These birthdays are coming faster and faster. It's like the laps around the sun are getting shorter, though I'm as sure as I can be that they're not. (at this point I'm not too sure about anything)

Today I've been fortunate to receive loving words from many of my favorite has made me feel quite loved and appreciated. Though the thought dawned on me as each message came in, "I ought to be thanking this person for making my life worth living."

It seems silly that on a birthday I should sit and collect affirmations and love from the very people I am lucky to know. In addition, if there are any qualities that you enjoy about me, they are certainly stolen. I happen to know humans that I consider to be the greatest on planet earth. (I may not know all of us humans, but I feel strongly that I am in an exceptional community.) And it is from these people, whom I have admired, that I have adopted the traits I appreciate, sometimes consciously, sometimes not.

I am quite literally the result of hours and hours spent with all of you. You have shaped and molded me, taught me what love, friendship and play feels like. I have learned what honor and discipline look like, and am in the process of finding those qualities for myself so I can be more like you. That I might in some way repay your kindness.

A human will, if they are lucky, at some point come to that splendid and heartbreaking question, 'To be, or not to be?' And as I've thought on this in my life...I cannot help but desire more time and space with these wonderful people I call friends. I am compelled to be with you, to create with you. There are hundreds, thousands of ideas for projects that I want to make with you, because you are magic people. And because making things is magic. And so, you all are the reason I desire to keep living, so that I can learn with you and play and laugh at the great cosmic joke of it all, with you. In fact, you're all so wonderful that you make the challenges, pain, hurt and struggle all worth it...

 I am passionately curious to learn more about existence and what may be possible for us beings.

That I have made it around the sun again is a testament to the countless people who have contributed to my life. My parents who sacrificed so much to give me an abundant life full of opportunity, and my many teachers who invested energy and time and care in me...Every friend I've ever had...And as I've realized recently how absurd it is to say that "I" have done anything...the infinite number of animals and creatures and evolution of life that has led to consciousness somehow taking form in this body, which is "me."

I have done nothing alone, and I would be foolish to ever claim such a thing. IF I have ever done anything, it has been with the help of you. Thanks for inspiring me to live, to be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday. You people make me want to take laps around this Earth until it is thrashed by an asteroid or burned by the sun. Whichever comes first.

With thanks and love I am humbly yours,