I finally sent this letter to Deidre, and in rereading it there was some stuff that I thought I might share...it has been a while since posting, but not since writing, just haven't felt like what has been coming out has been worth sharing...or it feels incomplete...
here are bits and pieces from words on October 2, 2009:
In the past months I have continued to give my dreams more weight, or I am paying more attention to them. As a kid, parents and folks tell you “Oh it was just a dream,” but my instinct tells me that if I spend such a large percentage of my life sleeping, and therefore dreaming, there must be something to them. I continue to set the goal of recording all dreams in the morning, but I often fail to actually accomplish this. The interesting thing to note through all of this is that as I have treated my dreams more seriously, it has changed my perception of waking life. Here is why. After you have a dream, you can recall feeling and sights and images, but it has nothing to do with the present moment. After you have an experience, you also can remember these details, perhaps a bit more clearly, but in this moment, now, it is nothing but a story or scene that exists in my mind. Both memories exist purely inside my brain, so can they be the same? I don’t know about all of this, but it makes me curious.
So I went to a lucid dreaming workshop at burning man and we talked about how to become lucid in our dreams and how to use this as a tool for further learning about our subconscious and true desires. He suggested some ideas for bringing about specific dreams, like if you want to dream about flying at night, then spend time during the day thinking about flying, and imagining yourself doing it. Think about birds and planes and imagine what it would feel like. Then when you are dreaming you recall thoughts and feelings from your day, and the feeling of flight will be more easily accessible. Some cool ideas that I have been toying with a bit.
I just smelled my armpit and it is a good thing you are not actually sitting here with me right now. Good God, that is hideous. It’s about time I get myself together for my first day back on the job. I’m hoping to work as much as I can in the next six weeks to hopefully have a little bit saved up so I can survive January Rent, and hopefully find another job that is less taxing on the voice. And inside would be nice for the winter months.
Also, Greg pierced my ears with a safety pin, a cork, apple and his sister’s help in his Grandfather’s kitchen in Berkeley. It was pretty wild, and kind of happened on a whim. I had been thinking about it for a while, I just wanted to see what it would look like. I also felt it would fit my look at this point in time. And I wanted to feel the pain, I knew I could handle it, but had to actually do it. Another attempt at a “rite-of-passage” I guess. Still feel like I need something to cross over to the land of…manhood? I still feel like a student of the universe. When will I go away to the woods and find out what I am made of, who I am, and come back standing with knowledge and confidence to tackle this whole planet in a giant hug?
Loving peace, exhilarating adventure and joyous laughter I wish for you.
And maybe you can cause a little trouble too.