...and then sometimes IT happens. That magic moment on the train that has you thanking every deity mankind has ever worshiped for public transportation...The overwhelming, multi-sensory experience where you knowfeel, with every ounce of your being, you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be...
Cue Synchronicity in NYC...
I noticed her as I sat down next to Greg on the G train, and I was pretty sure he saw her too...she is not the kind of girl that walks into a public place unnoticed, beautiful curly hair, long with a light blonde streak just catching the eye...her energy was warm and light...she had a subtle smile on her face, carried purple calla lillies, and bobbed her head to the music playing on her ipod...
I enjoyed her presence, and was feeling high...I smiled and made eye contact, she smiled back and quickly looked away...flash of blood in the veins, just that moment was enough to send the body into 2nd gear...my mind and body so closely tied, my mind wondered if we would meet eyes again, hoped we would...I looked back down at my book and glanced back to see if she would return my gaze...she wouldn't, but her head bobbing grew to a point of near head-dancing, probably a beat dropping...
...I looked back again and she was writing in a journal...cool, i dig that...feeling good, curious, and bold...I'm gonna do it...
flip to the back of my book and there is a blank page, I pull out my only a pen, a pink highlighter, and write my message large enough to read from across the aisle.
WHO ARE YOU?
...As I flash my makeshift sign at her, she holds up a piece of paper, cocks her head to the side with a smile that says she is holding the answer to my question...
and the body kicks it up a notch, breath a bit shorter, blood pressure rises...excitement, giddy like a child, with a major confidence boost, all of the sudden I can do no wrong...she hands me the note, it reads:
Haley
(phone number)
(address)
come to a
party tonight
at my place
love your hair.
...feeling high and mighty, any self-conscious doubts have vanished...quickly I scribble down a response, hardly legible I am sure, totally disconnected thoughts of appreciation and excitement...I look up and she is about to get off on the next stop, I hand her the note unfinished and after she reads it, hands me one of her flowers...
amazing.
frozen a bit, stunned...I pause taking in this moment, looking around me - the faces - realizing that many of these people just watched this exchange unfold...
"Wow." this is how I start my monologue to the train...then continued to ramble on about how amazing New York City is, that this kind of thing can only happen in a city like this...I thank everyone in the vicinity for being a part of the experience, I am telling them how beautiful they are, that we are creating a vortex of positive energy right here...
smiles appear everywhere, I am making eye contact with many, and folks are returning my smile...I am not being treated like a crazy person, in fact people seem to be enchanted by my words...more reflecting out loud about how beautiful it is to be through with a work week on a friday evening, each of us with the whole weekend ahead full of who knows what kind of magic...
then the singing starts...for my first tune, an improvised love song, delivered mostly to the woman sitting next to me who was very excited by the whole ordeal...you could tell she was the kind of woman who loved love, watched strictly romantic comedies and dabbled in romance novels...
I was prompted to continue my lover's soliloquy as people laughed and enjoyed my outburst, one woman said good bye as she left, Greg told her we loved her, and she said she loved us too...I moved on to the classic song, "Cheek to Cheek"
Greg joined me as we sang our hearts out to the urbanites on our train, our temporary tribe...spreading the good vibes we laughed and got more and more lost in the fun we were having, the zen lunatics in heaven looking down upon us and smiling and laughing too...I supposed..
Exit the train, "We should all do this again next week, seriously...let's all get on this same train next friday, this is great!" And back to the singing..."Heaven, I'm in heaven...and my heart beats so, that I can hardly speak..."
the train passes, it's noisy departure making it hard for me to hear my own beautiful melody, but as it quiets I hear more music ahead and search for the source...Greg stands near two old hippies sitting with a banjo and drum...and singing the very same chorus...
Hallelujah! I hoot and holler, coming right up to these guys to sing the last words with them..."And I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek!" ...Greg and I dance and sing in utter amazement and gratitude...now THAT is real...
the flow of events leading to that moment, the natural high and feeling of all the pieces being in place, leading to the catharsis of singing an old Irving Berlin tune with hippies on the subway platform...that, in my reality, is perfect...I cannot ask for more than that...
and yet, I do...because that moment has passed, it exists now only as a memory...perhaps in another universe it plays over and over, but here and now, in this life I am in a new moment...sitting on the couch again in Brooklyn recalling my joy, sharing it with you...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
the real life heebie jeebies
how can i explain what just happened?
first you should know that i am feeling more grounded than i usually do in this city, i am fresh back from the high of the burning west coast, not yet hurrying to catch up with everyone pacing up and down the avenues...there is a calm in my body, a knowing, perhaps assisted by the current guru's voice...affirming and guiding me through the streets of new york city by way of the ipod, i am present, or strive to be.
I am on the L train, I know this, put it into storage as I close my eyes and let the reality of his words sink in, allowing my moment to extend beyond the walls of the train, i step back from the cycle and into yes.
occasionally I open my eyes. check. where am I? I knew it, but fear made me check..what if I got so lost in the other reality that I missed my stop? as if that is "bad" or "wrong"...ah, whew, First Ave...still good...who is that? my eyes see something strange, unique, interesting, it is peacock theory in action...
immediately my mind begins tearing down the information that my eyes pass over, short jean shorts, so short they expose the off-white pockets -she's trendy- her pale skinny legs and over-sized shirt lead me to place her in the Lower East Side Compartment, but wait those eyes...what is that? the mind breaks it down again, taking what was initially a whole being, mystical and inexplicable, and putting her in a box one accessory at a time...her eye make-up is heavy and dark, the liner extends out from her eye in a small swoosh, reminiscent of our pop culture image of cleopatra, only darker...what is she reading?...
For reasons I cannot explain I have an impulse to catch her eye...she is not altogether very attractive, nor really my type, but I am compelled to make contact...I am in a zone for sure, feeling confident in myself and my knowledge that we are all connected, all made of the same stardust...woah...nearly immediately after desiring to catch her eye, she looks back at me...stillness...I hold...she holds...I hold...
...there is some kind of energy exchange happening, no words but each of us checking to see if the other is still with us...fear creeps in, this is not normal social behavior and the mind doesn't know how to respond...it is the very thing I desired, but I don't know what is supposed to happen next...her eyes are intense, there is not a hint of a smile, I try to crack a little of mine, just small enough for her to follow me, that we may both end up smiling and laughing at this beautiful moment on the subway...no returned smile, I give a little more, thinking she may have not noticed...still no smile...she is staring hard and deep into me...I keep holding and start laughing, perhaps from nerves, but I am still feeling calm, though unsure of what her intention is...it is so rare to hold a stranger's gaze, even that of our loved dear ones, I assume she is on some similar level of thinking...that she is also curious...but as more time passes, I feel a dark presence...I cannot describe it, but I feel there may be some ill will...we are NOT in the same boat...this is NOT someone who does a lot of smiling...
She lowers her eyes and returns her head towards her book...I am left perplexed...still calm, even more curious...the human urge is to look back...but for some reason I know not to..I don't want to alarm her, and I know that what just transpired has passed.
The next stop arrives. I stay on. I check, she too stays on...The next stop is mine...I wonder if we will both leave together, if our experience is to continue in some way...
We exit, through different doors, but both towards the union/metropolitan exit...I am not following her with my eyes, but keeping her in my awareness...she chooses the exit on the opposite side of the street...again I wonder will i see her again? I keep my pace up the stairs and as soon as I am back above ground, turn my head to see if she is walking in my direction. Yes.
Excitement returns...more non-verbal play with a stranger...so much curiosity, her darkness is magnetic...I pick up my pace so that she might notice me on the other side of the street. I am egocentric, so I assume she too is left wondering about me and our exchange of energy...I think back to exercises I have tried on the playa, I send pull energy her way, I ask her to come to me...I keep walking and notice that I will barely catch up to her, so I let it go...I assume that all is done and my mind moves on to other thoughts, reflecting on a beautiful dinner with a dear friend, a true light in my life, an incredibly thoughtful man who is on his way to greatness. I am feeling so much gratitude--WHAM!
There she is. I nearly stop in my tracks as I had forgotten about her and had not noticed her cross the middle of the street and come striding up right next to me. After an abrupt scare I return her eye-contact as she is staring at me. I smile almost immediately, first in pleasant disbelief, then surely from nerves...we lock eyes, though in different energies...she is feeling more dark, her stare is abrasive...a few paces and she walks just ahead of me, no words...I laugh again at the strangeness...we cross the street and I drift to the left, towards my home and she stays the course...I call out to her playfully, "bye bye!"
no response. just darkness. I walk on, my skin crawls a bit and i find myself peeking over my shoulder to see if she has indeed come to follow me...I question her intent...my mind wanders trying to explain this mystery...darkness, was this some demon woman? my logical brain kicks in and sees her actions as her complex social walls...perhaps she felt intruded upon by my initial gaze, and sought to scare me back off her premises...
it worked.
i did not feel safe until i had stepped foot in my apartment and locked my door. and still her image haunts my mind...
first you should know that i am feeling more grounded than i usually do in this city, i am fresh back from the high of the burning west coast, not yet hurrying to catch up with everyone pacing up and down the avenues...there is a calm in my body, a knowing, perhaps assisted by the current guru's voice...affirming and guiding me through the streets of new york city by way of the ipod, i am present, or strive to be.
I am on the L train, I know this, put it into storage as I close my eyes and let the reality of his words sink in, allowing my moment to extend beyond the walls of the train, i step back from the cycle and into yes.
occasionally I open my eyes. check. where am I? I knew it, but fear made me check..what if I got so lost in the other reality that I missed my stop? as if that is "bad" or "wrong"...ah, whew, First Ave...still good...who is that? my eyes see something strange, unique, interesting, it is peacock theory in action...
immediately my mind begins tearing down the information that my eyes pass over, short jean shorts, so short they expose the off-white pockets -she's trendy- her pale skinny legs and over-sized shirt lead me to place her in the Lower East Side Compartment, but wait those eyes...what is that? the mind breaks it down again, taking what was initially a whole being, mystical and inexplicable, and putting her in a box one accessory at a time...her eye make-up is heavy and dark, the liner extends out from her eye in a small swoosh, reminiscent of our pop culture image of cleopatra, only darker...what is she reading?...
For reasons I cannot explain I have an impulse to catch her eye...she is not altogether very attractive, nor really my type, but I am compelled to make contact...I am in a zone for sure, feeling confident in myself and my knowledge that we are all connected, all made of the same stardust...woah...nearly immediately after desiring to catch her eye, she looks back at me...stillness...I hold...she holds...I hold...
...there is some kind of energy exchange happening, no words but each of us checking to see if the other is still with us...fear creeps in, this is not normal social behavior and the mind doesn't know how to respond...it is the very thing I desired, but I don't know what is supposed to happen next...her eyes are intense, there is not a hint of a smile, I try to crack a little of mine, just small enough for her to follow me, that we may both end up smiling and laughing at this beautiful moment on the subway...no returned smile, I give a little more, thinking she may have not noticed...still no smile...she is staring hard and deep into me...I keep holding and start laughing, perhaps from nerves, but I am still feeling calm, though unsure of what her intention is...it is so rare to hold a stranger's gaze, even that of our loved dear ones, I assume she is on some similar level of thinking...that she is also curious...but as more time passes, I feel a dark presence...I cannot describe it, but I feel there may be some ill will...we are NOT in the same boat...this is NOT someone who does a lot of smiling...
She lowers her eyes and returns her head towards her book...I am left perplexed...still calm, even more curious...the human urge is to look back...but for some reason I know not to..I don't want to alarm her, and I know that what just transpired has passed.
The next stop arrives. I stay on. I check, she too stays on...The next stop is mine...I wonder if we will both leave together, if our experience is to continue in some way...
We exit, through different doors, but both towards the union/metropolitan exit...I am not following her with my eyes, but keeping her in my awareness...she chooses the exit on the opposite side of the street...again I wonder will i see her again? I keep my pace up the stairs and as soon as I am back above ground, turn my head to see if she is walking in my direction. Yes.
Excitement returns...more non-verbal play with a stranger...so much curiosity, her darkness is magnetic...I pick up my pace so that she might notice me on the other side of the street. I am egocentric, so I assume she too is left wondering about me and our exchange of energy...I think back to exercises I have tried on the playa, I send pull energy her way, I ask her to come to me...I keep walking and notice that I will barely catch up to her, so I let it go...I assume that all is done and my mind moves on to other thoughts, reflecting on a beautiful dinner with a dear friend, a true light in my life, an incredibly thoughtful man who is on his way to greatness. I am feeling so much gratitude--WHAM!
There she is. I nearly stop in my tracks as I had forgotten about her and had not noticed her cross the middle of the street and come striding up right next to me. After an abrupt scare I return her eye-contact as she is staring at me. I smile almost immediately, first in pleasant disbelief, then surely from nerves...we lock eyes, though in different energies...she is feeling more dark, her stare is abrasive...a few paces and she walks just ahead of me, no words...I laugh again at the strangeness...we cross the street and I drift to the left, towards my home and she stays the course...I call out to her playfully, "bye bye!"
no response. just darkness. I walk on, my skin crawls a bit and i find myself peeking over my shoulder to see if she has indeed come to follow me...I question her intent...my mind wanders trying to explain this mystery...darkness, was this some demon woman? my logical brain kicks in and sees her actions as her complex social walls...perhaps she felt intruded upon by my initial gaze, and sought to scare me back off her premises...
it worked.
i did not feel safe until i had stepped foot in my apartment and locked my door. and still her image haunts my mind...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
